Coaching

How To Escape the Trap of Survival Mode

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If you learn this one simple truth, you will move from Survival mode to “Thrival” mode. Survival mode will be something in your past, not your present or your future. You can finally start living your life the way you’ve always wanted but just didn’t have the tools to change. The secret to changing from Survival mode to “Thrival” mode is found in understanding your brain and the incredible power of small decisions. 

What Is Survival Mode?

For most of my life I’ve lived in survival mode and I never understood why. I felt like most people were against me and not for me. The only time they were for me is when they wanted something from me. And inevitably, someone would screw me over and my greatest fears would be confirmed. Then, the cycle would repeat itself.

Relationships weren’t the only areas where survival mode flourished. I was in survival mode in my job, with investments, and with my wife and children. I feared there wouldn’t be enough money to pay the bills, not enough time to spend together, at the end of the day I didn’t do enough to get my work done. There was never enough. I was always short-changed. In fact, if I was honest, I felt like I wasn’t enough and might never be.

BUT WHY WAS THIS HAPPENING?!

I finally discovered the truth: Our brains aren’t built to help us be happy or fulfilled, they are built to help us SURVIVE. That skill may work great for a hunter-gatherer, but it wasn’t helping me in the here and now.

The Two Parts of Your Brain

There are two parts to your brain: First, is the flight or fight response. The second is the part of the brain which understands how to help you THRIVE. It happens when you feel love, joy, connection, inspiration, hope, peace, or wonder.

No one enjoys feeling angry, stressed, frustrated, self-pity, fear, and a host of other negative emotions. But we’ve all learned to live with them. In fact, we’ve lived with them so long that when negativity isn’t a part of our lives, we feel like something is wrong. So, we go right back into flight or flight mode and the cycle continues creating more fear, stress, and anxiety.

Whenever we feel any kind of pain or emotional distress – whether it’s self-pity, for example, or guilt, or shame – we’re thrown, operationally, into a state of survival mode according to a Psychology Today article.

“Most people live this way since it’s the path of least resistance. They make unconscious decisions, based on habit and conditioning, and are at the mercy of their own minds. They assume that it’s just an inevitable part of life to get frustrated, stressed, sad, and angry—in other words, to live in a suffering state.” – Tony Robbins

So how do we CHANGE?

It’s time to kick Survival Mode out of 0ur lives and it comes down to taking control and making 4 different decisions:

  1. Commit that you will choose to be happy no matter what happens to you. This means that no matter the circumstance, you will choose to find the good in it. You will change your focus from fear and suffering to hope and prosperity. This means you will commit to enjoying life even when things don’t go your way. You have to become a master of spinning negativity into positivity.
  1. Fill your life with POSITIVITY not negativity. This has been a huge game changer for me. Did you know that 80% of the information you take in everyday is negative? This fuels the survival mode of your brain. It tells you there is a threat around every corner. There’s suspicion in every relationship and conspiracy in every decision you don’t like. DON’T GIVE NEGATIVITY POWER. Make a commitment to not let any negativity into your brain. Inevitably some will sneak in, but being vigilant and focused on positivity with immediately change how you feel and how you see the world.
  1. Make a MASSIVE investment in yourself. Start living a proactive life focused on being happy, positive, and the best version of yourself. Buy motivating books, enroll in an inspiring leadership course, get into a mastermind group. Set your focus on learning and growing in the areas that help you move to a place of health. Don’t settle for being a reactive, passive, negative human being. You have every resource within yourself to begin making change now.
  1. Remove yourself from toxic people and toxic environments. Sometimes we just need to learn how to put an end to things in our life that need to die. Reduce or eliminate your time from people that make you feel worse when you’re around them. If your stuck in a rut, you may need to make a massive change. Move across town, change the city you live in, or find different social circles.

Survival mode is only a temporary way of life. You arrived there because of specific decisions you have made that got you there and kept you there.

Thrival mode is about creating a thriving lifestyle filled with the positive things you want in life. They don’t come by accident, they come by intentions. As you begin to implement these simple changes, life moves out of the black and white into a beautiful explosion of color that changes who you are and what you see.

“Drop all the doubt, worry, stress, and anxiety that has been causing you to lose sleep at night. Decide to life your life looking forward, no backwards.” ~ Les Brown

How 2017 Can Be the Greatest Year of Your Life

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The thrill of the Holidays are over. New Years resolutions have come and gone. The lure of the “new” is beginning to fade. You’re already failing in your new year commitments and 2017 isn’t turning out like you hoped. Is there anything you can do to change that really works? I have good news for you – the answer is an absolute, YES! This is how to make 2017 the greatest year of your life. Man posing in front of beautiful sunrise by the medieval house in rural countryside of Slovenia

I have failed at resolutions and goal-setting so many times it hurts. In fact, 92% of people who set goals do not achieve them. So don’t feel too bad.

But after years of studying human performance and personal change, I’ve finally found what works and it’s simple for you to implement.

3 Simple Things to Create Change in 2017

  1. You Must Have a Compelling Vision.

Many people think that a dream or a goal is good enough to accomplish what they want. But if that’s all you do, you will likely fail like the 92%. It’s not strong enough to keep you focused.

To help you succeed like the top 8%, you must have a vision. A vision is a compelling picture of the future. It’s what you will do, who you will be and what must happen in your life. It’s not up for negotiation. For a deeper dive on how to create a vision statement, read this article on How to Discover Your Vision.

People fail because they aren’t clear enough with their personal vision. If you are vague regarding your vision, everything else in your life will seem vague. The clearer your vision is, the greater the opportunity to accomplish it.

If you don’t believe you have the ability to take responsibility and create the world you want to live in, the world will create you in its image. A vision helps you be the victor of change not the victim.

2. Systems not Goals

Goals are important, but alone, they fail 92% of the time.

A goal is, “I want to run a marathon.” The system is to run 1 mile 5x a week the first week, 2 miles 5x the second week, 4 miles 5x the third week etc. You build the system to achieve your goal.  [Read more…] about How 2017 Can Be the Greatest Year of Your Life

How To Discover Your Vision

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Clarifying your vision is one of the most powerful ways to bring immediate change to your life. But many people struggle to discover their vision. Follow this simple roadmap and you will be on your way to creating and living a vision focused on the most important things to you on the planet. photo_beauty_sky_parachute

When you live by your vision, everything changes. But without a vision, you’ll be stuck in the mire of boredom and mediocrity. Hope will dwindle, work will be monotonous, and relationships will be shallow. Don’t let that happen to you.

Creating Vision – Where to Start

The reason so few people live out of their vision is because they don’t know where to start. Vision begins with dreaming. Not ‘pie in the sky’ dreaming like, “I want 100 Ferrari’s and 10 vacation houses.” Things do nothing to motivate people to live their lives.

A real dream is about living for something that’s bigger than yourself. It’s your life’s purpose, your mission, the reason you were created. How are you going to change the world? What kind of legacy will you leave? What impact do you want to make in the lives of others?

I’m also a firm believer that discovering, and living your vision is a Spiritual Experience. What do I mean? There is something very special hidden inside your vision and when you discover this treasure, it changes you forever. That treasure is the reason you were created and put on this earth.

“Vision is the art of seeing things invisible.” – Jonathan Swift

All Your Life You’ve Been Fighting Yourself

Here’s a scary reality: when you are not clear on your vision you are living against yourself. You’re living in opposition to who you really are and what you’re supposed to be doing with your one and only amazing life!

The truth is that you are here for a reason. You are created with intention and unique gifts to share with the people around you. Discovering who you are and what you’re supposed to be doing is the most important thing you will ever do.

Now, don’t get overwhelmed. If you don’t discover your complete life purpose through this process, don’t sweat it. We live out our vision in phases and if you are only able to see a small part of your vision now, that’s perfectly fine. Live that piece with all your heart and more vision will come with time. What’s most important is to go through this process of discovery and start living for whatever vision you grab ahold of. The rest will come.

The 2 most common obstacles I see people trip over as they try to come up with their vision is (1) They give up because they can’t see the entire picture of their vision and (2) FEAR and FAILURE. They are afraid that once they commit themselves and write down the vision they might fail.

Let me encourage you to push though these issues. The only failure is not trying – period. Once you start living your vision and see it become reality, a whole new world opens to you and you will never be the same.

“The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.” – Michelangelo

As you consider your vision, here are 5 components of what makes up a vision. These come from the book, The Leadership Challenge. Keep these in mind as you proceed to the next step.

Discover Your Vision 

A vision pulls people forward. It projects a clear mage of a possible future. It generates the enthusiasm and energy to strive toward the goal.

IDEAL (a high standard to aspire to)

Visions are about hopes, dreams, and aspirations. They’re about making a difference. They tell us the ennobling purpose and greater good we are seeking.

UNIQUE (pride in being different, an identity.)

Visions are about the extraordinary. They are about what makes us distinctive, singular, and unequaled.

IMAGE (a concept or mental picture made real or tangible through descriptive language)

Word pictures, metaphors, examples, stories, symbols, and similar communication methods all help make visions memorable.

FUTURE-ORIENTED (looking toward a destination)

Visions describe an exciting possibility for the future. They stretch our minds out into the future and ask us to dream.

COMMON GOOD (a way people can come together)

Visions are about developing a shared sense of destiny. Leaders must be able to show others how their interests are served and how they are a part of the vision in order to enlist others in it.

What Do I Do?

There’s only 1 thing you need to focus on right now to start the process of discovering your vision – Create a Dream Inventory. Here’s exactly what you do:

  1. Get to a quiet place. You want to take this seriously and stay focused.
  2. Turn off all electronic devices. Your phone, computer, everything. Make sure there are no distractions.
  3. Find some soothing music. If you like the quiet, then fine. But when I’m deeply reflecting I prefer to listen to some form of classical music, preferable Baroque. Play something that helps you to be at peace and creative.
  4. Remember a big part of this is spiritual.
  5. Get out a blank sheet of paper, write “Dream Inventory” at the top, and let you mind go wild and dream. This is a right brain exercise so don’t analyze everything you are writing. What do you want life to look like in 5 or 10 years? What do you want to do? Where do you want to go? Who will you be doing it with? What issue do you want to solve? What kind of freedom do you want to have? The sky is the limit. The key is write without restraint and allow yourself to imagine possibilities and dream with reckless abandon.

Next I’ll tell you what to do with your Dream Inventory. Let me strongly encourage you: DO THIS RIGHT NOW. Refuse to procrastinate! Don’t wait and don’t move on to the next thing. This is the most important thing you could be doing for yourself so take action.

Make a conscious decision to leave the 97% of people who are addicted to mediocrity and part of the cult of average. Step in to the top 3% of people who are living life the way they want to live it and are getting incredible results because they are committed and focused. This is how they do it!

This is the first step to creating a new, focused and meaningful life. A life where you start to see you visions become reality. You do have what it takes and these incredible gifts are already inside you. You just have to get them out.